Your Momeron is a hard mode - Wednesday, 24 June 2009
nce upon a time there was a fat hairy guy, another fat hairy guy, a hippy flower girl, and a robot. The two fat hairy guys were easy going, one of them watched people like us fight a giant worm and the other froze adventurers in ice blocks as he stood quietly in a refrigerator with a treasure chest and another more frozen treasure chest. All the meanwhile the hippy flower girl roamed around her garden zapping crystals while her three friends helped her out, oh yeah and pets, lots of damn pets, like a freakin' zoo, god... Then there was the robot, that stupid robot, who made a bunch of other stupid robots, each one more stupid than the previous stupid robot, and these stupid robots formed a bigger stupider robot, and this stupid robot made friends with Archimonde, lord of the dance. And we danced, oh did we dance...

Ten guys, three paladins, and a fistful of armor potions.
This is how we spent last month, in this fairy tale adventure of hard mode merry-go-round. Hodir was nothing to us, we tried the fight out like three times and any of those first three tries could've been wins but we were still learning and didn't commit to those attempts. The fourth attempt we put all our resources into play and destroyed him with tons of time left on the clock. Thorim took a little more time, he required a more rigid plan than the previous fights, but after quickly getting past the regular mistakes everyone makes on that fight, he too became a pushover.

Freya was where it started to get tough, that's one chick with some balls. There are like NINE things she throws at you, and it only takes any two things to kill one of your guys! And that's a fight you really don't want anyone dying on. What a pain in the ass she was.

Then of course there was Mimiron, some people will tell you Mimiron is harder than Freya, and they may be right, but I disagree somewhat, I think Mimiron may be more difficult, but not as frustrating as Freya. And to me frustration is the worst thing for a team, when there's nothing you can do about something except hope something bad doesn't happen. Oh and i'd just like to mention that no one got hit by a rocket in over a hundred attempts, high five! Mimiron just needs a solid plan, a really solid plan, then you stick to that plan for thirty hours, and your engineers will rejoice in salvaging his shit. Doomfires are stupid, stupid Mimiron.

I can't exactly say it was fun, but I feel like we accomplished a lot. I think these hard modes wore a lot of our guys down, I mean its normal to lose part of your raid force with every expansion, but it just felt ugly at times and we saw a lot of turn-over. I'm quite satisfied with the quality of our work and i'm also very proud of everyone who stuck it out to push through the hard times and come out on top.

To me, the zone is done, all that's left is a cockblocked Yogg Saron and Algalon. And no matter how badly you do it, it's only an hour a week. Also our 10 man raid has already destroyed Algalon, Starcaller Zav, I like the sound of it. However we are not in the business of failing so we're going to wreck this guy.

Oh and Michah wanted me to mention him in this update, so here it is: Reese is sort of a gay name, not unlike Rizzen. Rizzen's name that is. Not Rizzen himself. Rizzen is not gay... hey Run, whats the ascii code again for the eyeballs that look away like they're trying to change the subject of someone being gay? ¬.¬ Thanks.

Imaginary Stumock - Sunday, 19 April 2009

4th US / 20th World
I was really hoping to have to make this post months from now when we finally beat the zone boss on a wednesday night after weeks of struggling. However, here we are now with an empty raid zone and the rest of the weekend off. After a fleeting twenty-something raid hours we inevitably return to the grind, gear up, do hard modes, and blow each other up with Mimiron bombs for laughs, except I guess now we do it in front of a live studio audience(see Mogulus below). Since being on PTR, we all knew this was how it was going to be, but the fun is in the journey rather than being at the end I suppose.

We started on late tuesday evening after the servers finally came up, and for ONCE the powers-that-be graced us with a shiny playable server. Lots of our colleagues out there suffered from unstable servers or in many cases, no servers at all. Let me tell you, in over a decade of playing MMOs at a frenzied pace, I know and share your pain. Then we did something we hadn't done in a while, we raided hard, a full ten hours hard that first night, no one wanted to quit, they had to take the servers down to fix Ignis to put us in bed. It was a night to be proud of, we ended that night with everything killed up to Mimiron minus a busted Ignis that we weren't going to waste time soft resetting our instance for. Lots of these bosses were our first times ever seeing them but my guys did a fine job and made short work of everything.

The next day we started earlier than we normally would and at first some sleepyheads prevented us from filling our raid, but we actually grabbed a few regulars to come fill us out for Ignis and they did a fine job as well. Soon after we moved onto Mimiron and can I just say that that trash is ridiculous? Do I get a title for killing that trash? Do I get a mount for killing that trash? I should! That trash is like walking through a a grassy field and having a piano drop on your head, but we still managed to kill it. Apparently its really easy if certain raiders of yours aren't oversleeping, but we'll have to find out next week. Mimiron has this crazy bug with his guns, and I know you all know what im talking about. Hilarity is what it is for the first two times and all the times after that is just frustration, we easily doubled our time on Mimiron due to the guns going nuts. Nonetheless, we wreck Voltron and move on to Vezax. The General is a boring guy, and without getting into much more detail, we had to go to bed so we could return to our normal lives the next day, but it took just one try the next evening and General Vezax was done.

Yogg Saron only took about eight or nine hours of learning over two nights surprisingly. He certainly isn't a pushover, but in classic zone boss style, hes got lots of phases and lots of little things to do. And yes the rumors are true, the stumock is back, except this time the stumock is creepy and weird, less juicy and smelly. You really just need to see it yourself. And whats up with that chick screaming the WHOLE damn time all over the instance, man it was nice to shut her up. Please don't mail me lore about Sara, Sara is dead, we blew her up, blew her up good.

Overall I can't complain, I had fun in the short time that we romped through Ulduar, wish it lasted longer. But i'm really proud of my guys, they sprung the patch on us and we were still able to make time for our teammates and push through Ulduar at top speed, during tax week USA no less! Feuros!



Bane, the real daddy of X's baby's momma's baby

Vigorous Storm Peaks stress testing - Saturday, 7 March 2009
So for a month or so now there has been literally nothing to do, no more raid achievements, no more gear needed, alts already fully equipped, and so on. What did we do during that lull? We did everything as fast as we could utilizing as few brain cells as possible just to make sure the WoW doesn't dry up in our blood vessels. But finally something to do, however little it is.

For the most part we started by stress testing Storm Peaks. Their plan was to make a super rigid boss testing schedule, tell the whole world about it, then sit there and laugh at the lemmings struggling to move two inches at a time towards the Ulduar zone line... because all of North America tries to muscle their way into two servers. There's a reason there's like two hundred servers, because it takes two hundred servers to let everyone play, not two.

Eventually we pickup on the little tricks, nuances, and quirks of the public test server, and forge a path into 25 man Ulduar. What we found there was Hodir the King of Dailyquesting, trying to turn us into ice cubes and Ignis somethingsomething trying to do the opposite. Hodir surprisingly didn't strap me to his stomach while trying to bite me as I try to get a better grip on his gut. And the Ignis guy was ok, front door boss plus this ISN'T Sunwell, so he should be easy.

EDIT: Flame Leviathan is the vehicle boss that everyone is moaning about and XT-002 Deconstructor is an exercising garbage robot with a heart of... something.

Also let me take this moment to plug our new live stream, it's neat! You can find it at Conquest Live Stream, it's got on-demand fight videos from some of our classic fights of the past and some more modern less memorable bosses with more to come! Not to mention the Euros! Ha ha ha, banter!

Additionally, we are in the market for a strong Priest, click the "Join Conquest" link up top for more details.
Turn me on daddy-o!

Immortality, but at what price? - Thursday, 22 January 2009


What can I say? It's a lot harder than it sounds.

Slick as five da la megaphone - Friday, 5 December 2008
Last night we faced the first real fight of the expansion, three drake Sartharion. It's by no means an easy fight at all, right off the bat you're handicapped, reduced health, more damage taken, lots of adds. From the outside, the fight looks like a giant clusterfuck, waves of lava going side to side, whelps and fire elementals running around, void zones popping everywhere, purple drakes flapping around, and a huge fire breathing dragon.

The fight felt impossible at times, I mean when Sartharion breathes, you're hanging on for dear life, and on top of that there is so much more going on that isn't part of your section of the fight. If anything this is really a fight for our healers, the damage is immense and comes from all directions. Like I always say, when things go wrong, people look at healing first, but when things go right, the healing is transparent. And if you have bad healers, man good luck in doing anything if you have bad healers, but if you have great healers, you're going places. Bane, Dsx, Naiteru, Quse, Run, X, Ymbryne, nice work. You too Durrhea!

UPDATE: The 10 man version is much more difficult but also done.


Yes yes, would you like some WoW with your UI? It helps me yell at the right people.


Once guy, now girl, still gay. $15 and some serious melonballing gets you girlparts!

And can we please fix the dating system already? Everything gets marked a day later than we do it.